We Broke it March 19, 2012

No one enters in to something knowing eventually it’s going to end – at least I didn’t.  My husband and I have been separated for 2 months now.  The truth – we broke it.  Another truth – I am the one not willing to repair it.  I will always care for him and respect him.  He’s a very loving and attentive father, and that’s a very great attribute to have. I appreciate him caring for his children just as I do.  We had a rollercoaster of 11 years together- 11 years I wouldn’t change for the world.

Because of this mutual respect we each have for one another, I feel like civility can continue, and I am hopeful we will be able to co-parent successfully.  We both agree that the children are our most valuable assets, and will share them.  Its important to both of us that they continue to thrive and grow into respectful caring young men, and to accomplish this- it takes us both working together.

The kids are adjusting very well.  I am not blind to the fact that there are many obstacles ahead, but we will manage just fine.  Like all things put before us, we must climb over and move on.

6 Fingered Situation February 6, 2012

My sister, Kelli, bless her soul – completely indulges my psychotic thinking.  I don’t know what I would do without Kelli in my life to help me through some of my thought processes.  The following is a text conversation we had this morning.

WARNING: This is not a clean conversation.  If you get offended easily, this is not for you.  However, I did try to clean it up a little.

Me: How would a 6 fingered person flip someone off? What a terrible injustice to be born 6 fingered

Kel: Whatever you don’t just get one finger from them. You get two!! That’s like “screw” you twice. You can’t beat that.

Me: It would look more like “peace” than “screw you” or would it be “screw you peacefully”

Kel: No u don’t spread them it would look like two fingers tell you right where to go

Me: Then that’s more of a sexual connotation for “fingering” so that not “screw you” that a “up yours”… either way, I don’t think it means the same.  6 fingered people obviously have gotten “The Finger” for life, on giving the finger

Kel: I don’t think so, Bc u know they attract all the freak a leak girls at the bar but they have to get special gloves

Me: Do you have to pay extra for the extra finger? I think they should throw it in for free.  Its rude to make money off a deformity

Kel: I bet they cost less bc u know their g’ma or someone makes them or somebody with a heart makes them gloves for free

Me: That’s not fair.  Yes it’s a deformity, but not really a disability- maybe it’s a pro-ability. Like a super power. It would be like a parlor trick –

 I have more strength in my finger than you do?

Oh yeah? Which one?

THIS ONE!

And they would win every time… well, unless there’s another 6 fingered person, then they would finger wrestle to the death

Kel: yea, but what is they were going to hold hands with someone, or type on a computer. They would have more trouble than we do with can openers.

Me: No one has more trouble with can openers than we do! (we are both left handed – and not can opener friendly). And typing would be easier, their pointer fingers wouldn’t have to stretch to reach the “T” and “Y”.  Holding hands – their fingers would always be on the outside having the most control.

Kel: I bought an expensive can opener and it works great

Me: Pampered Chef?

Kel: No, Michael Graves

Me: I tried pampered chef one time – still couldn’t get it.  You’ll have to teach me wise way of can opening Grasshopper

Kel:  Michael Graves is my secret

Me: He’s kind of old… I’d definitely let Channing Tatum open my can

Kel: Mmm me too

Me: This convo would be blog worthy if it wasn’t filled with vulgarities

Kel: No one would understand

Me: Brian would (our brother) I wonder if it’s a genetic mutation

Kel: Yep definitely

Me: I’d rather have incredibly gifted thinking skills than 6 fingers any day

Kel: LOL but no one would ever steal your gloves

Me: If someone would steal my hummer hubcaps I’ll bet someone would steal my gloves

Kel: Lol you do have good luck

 

I look forward to our next adventure!

I Woke Up in Tanzania – What Did I Do Last Night? January 29, 2012

I awoke this morning to find my phone has adopted a new time zone: Dar es Salaam, Tanzania (East Africa).  Of course to any normal person, they would probably just go about their day- not this girl.  I became nearly obsessed with thinking about Dar es Salaam all day.  In my quirky little world I imagined I was in Africa, and that it wasn’t much different than rural Oklahoma.  Of course there are more whites and Hispanics in this Oklahoman East Africa than I had imagined.  Other than that, I imagine the children might dress the same: underwear/loin clothes (at least my home resembles Africa in that way.)

However, my views of the African Village my Android decided to visit was all in vain.  If you were to look up the Google history on my computer, I am sure you would be completely confused as to what in the world I am thinking on any given day. I am a chronic Googler (there should be medication for this.)  This is no different,  I Googled Dar es Salaam, come to find out it is quite a large village, consisting of around 3 million people- so obviously not a village. Upon further investigation, Roald Dahl, author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, lived and fought there during World War II – such imaginational expertise I did not expect to find. Perhaps my phone, in its other-worldly adventurous defiance has also created a time warp in which when I returns from Africa I will then hold the keys to such ingenious fiction.

Of course, I am sure, my phone is just rebelling.  I had managed to at least change the time back to Central Time, of course only available now in military time. Which, again made my brain branch out in a new direction – to try my memory on the Military Phonetic Alphabet – I remembered about half after being taught 15 years ago.  But I am now pleased to say, thanks to Google, I can recite them all once again. 

I hope, in the morning, I can escape this transient universe my phone has created so I may go back to thinking it’s a schizophrenic and leave my brain wandering to my own free will.  I also hope that my weather app on my phone goes back to normal soon, it was 88 degrees to day in Dar es Salaam, which does me no good here.

One simple truth – my phone and I belong together, we are both warped – one: mentally, one: geographically.

The Rocker and I… January 27, 2012

A rare glimpse vulnerability… or PMS (Who can tell the difference?)

 

I’m smoothing out the surface – the dust gathering on my hands. Peeling away the surface, and I feel empathy – a feeling I seldom put to use.  Slowly running my fingertips across the surface, excavating the fine history from its soul- I feel a tear slipping down my cheek.   I reach up to brush at the odd sensation, smearing the life dust of the rocker across my face.  I stop and stare at the stripped life before me, but in my mind’s eye I see rebirth. 

The rocking chair has seen a lifetime of joy, sorrow, and then was forgotten. The stripping of history from its surface is necessary to make it new- to see a fresh beginning; and experience new joys and sorrows.  In its new life it will be beautiful, stronger- and yet still hold beautiful scars from its past.  

The rocker and I are one…

(This is what I get starting a project during a life change.)

Sister’s Just Want To Have Fun January 8, 2012

Yesterday, Kelli and I opened up pandora’s box. No one should trust us out by ourselves, even if it is to buy something completely innocent… like baby shower supplies.

The party supply store had great potential for possible blackmail photo ops.

When life hands you a sombrero and poncho- adorn them with exuberence.

Putting The-Man-In-The-Iron-Mask to shame

Story of my life- a height requirement. Fail!

Yes- she clapped her hands like a little toy monkey.

NOTE: the next pic has been omitted due to the giant pink crayon’s objection to public sexual expliots and blurriness.

Caution: Hard hats required in hazardous work environment.

Shopping completed: This calls for a celebration!

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed.

Conversations with Lili January 2, 2012

 

 

My  3 year old niece, Lili, called today to wish Lane a happy birthday, here is our conversation:

Lili: Where’s Lane

Me: Sleeping

Lili: Why is he sleepin?

Me: He got in trouble.

Lili: He does that sometimes.

Me: What are you doing?

Lili: Reading. Hey, Do you have books?

Me: Yes, a lot.

Lili: Where?

Me: On my book cases.

Lili: Where are they?

Me: In my room, in the living room, in the boys room, in my purse.

Lili: where do you read them at?

Me: everywhere

Lili: Thank you for my presents.

Me: Which ones?

Lili: The ones I got at Papa’s

Me: I made your tutu, did you know that?

Lili: Did you cook it?

Me: What?

Lili: Did you COOK IT?

Me: No, I don’t normally eat tutu’s unless I’m really hungry. Do you?

Lili: Do you cook rabbits?

Me: Um… no. Do you?

Lili: No…EEEEWWWW

Me: Do you cook squirrel?

Lili: No…..EEEEEEWWWW

Me: Frog?

Lili: huh?

Me: Do you cook frog?

Lili: NO……EEEEWWWW

Me: what about chicken?

Lili: yeah I like chicken.

Me: Cow?

Lili: No, I don’t like cow…..eeeeewww

Me: What about steak?

Lili: No……eeeeeeeewwwww

Me: Hamburger?

Lili: I like hamburger

Me: Do you know where hamburger comes from?

Lili: The store.

Me: I love you Lili bug. Will you say, “Yeah, baby, yeah!” for me?

Lili: No

Me: Pretty please

Lili: YEAH, BABY, YEAH! Love you, Bye

Me: love you too, bye

Long pause….

 

Lili: Hello

Me: Hi Lil

Lili: It won’t turn off.

Me: Ok, I’ll do it.

Lili: Don’t hang up on me.

Me: why?

Lili: I want to hang up on you…bye

 

 

Say “What” December 29, 2011

Never ask a stupid question, or say “guess what” in our family.  If you do, you cannot hold us responsible for our answers- you forced us.  It’s really a smack-your-head moment when you’re the one that asks a stupid question to another family member – but when an outsider does it, you can see the twinkle in all our eyes, wondering which person is going to answer first.  It’s like we are children on Christmas morning! YES!

Just yesterday my sister sent me a text message – “Guess what!”   

Now, I’m aware that the first thing that might pop into your head would be “What?” But that is not how we work. It’s an absolute disappointment is we get “what” as a response back.  I cannot let my baby sister down. So here are the next few lines of our text message.

Kelli: Guess what

Me: You tripped on your stripper heels and fell into a coal mine filled with Bavarian cream?

Kelli: That is a good guess and more likely but I actually bought decorations and am decorating the house.  Like I said stripper heels was a more likely story

Me: I thought so, but you can’t win them all

 

Tune in next time for Kel and Jen’s Hot Topics:  Mystery Meat Monday: And where exactly is the morgue?